Middle aged and a mother of two girls. Nothing else matters when you are a mom.  Oh what things those smiles get you doing…

I recall the first time I held my own child in my arms and my husband whispered the word mummy to my ears… I wish I could have that moment for life. Like it’s popularly said, life happens. Ten years down the line and we are repeating a cycle!!

The smiles do not come as often as they used to, now I have to beg for hugs, teachers from school have complaints instead of praises, what’s more…. My friends seem to be getting it right with their own children. It must be me… I must be doing something wrong.

Lily has turned pretty and very self engaging. Does not really want to spend time with anybody else not even her younger sister. I see flashes of brilliance in her school work but that too is hardly sustained. ‘ Mummy, my teacher is lying’ is all I get…same teacher who was practically her second mum just a few years ago??

“Babe, Lily and I drove to the shopping mall, we had a little chat. I think you should go easy on her, she thinks you nag”   me, nag???? Oh now I know I need me some help, I have barely got a decent good morning from my own daughter in weeks and now I’m a nagging mum?! … I need to get help. 

Maybe it’s the last family vacation, maybe it’s the fact that we indulge her a lot, or even the discipline or lack of it. I’m going back to the very beginnings in mind. Have I been the best or have I compromised standards one time too many?  Did I not say I’d do things differently from my mum? 

It’s a clash of needs! Someone should have told me. We girls are both needy. I need appreciation and affirmation, she needs understanding… of her body, house chores, school work, differing relationships and of course why I snap at the times I do (Those times she expects a decent yes or no and all I do is shout gerrout!) she’s beginning to juggle emotions not just hers but everybodys’. She needs to discover, master and understand her own personality. Did I give birth to myself or is it just a cycle? 

A child is just an individual with lesser number of years on earth and as such lesser experience. A child expresses the same needs and emotions as every adult. They also have burdens to bear and juggle more than one ball at the same time. Some of these include: 

1. Expectations: school work, house chores, behavioural display etc. are subtly imposed on the child by you.   

2. Silent competition: remember those why did you not do recitation in church?  Why did you come 2nd, did you see that they gave that girl scholarship, why did they not choose you? You know I do my best to provide for you why can’t you take care of your things like Mrs. Kodjo’s children. 

3. Growth: the parents are growing, the children are growing too.  Another name for growth is change.. Actually non self induced change. We hardly know which way it would turn. Whilst you have had the time to experience change over and over, the little 10 year old is just getting a hang of it. Cut yourself and the little madam some slack. 

4. Emotions: The child manages the emotions of the adults around her. Yes, even that of the teachers. She checks to know when to approach you. She has a lot going on in her body and mind, let alone the social, academic and spiritual spheres of life. 

5. Standards: if we took time to check, you’d find many unwritten rules and standards we have created for our little ones. Let alone the many changes we make to them at random. 

Wait, a little at a time Madam, I think I know just where the ‘self induced change is needed’ at this point, we form a tag team me and my little girl. 

Raising children requires love and patience with spouse, children and self. You are the best at being a parent…..