Loosely interpreting one of the sayings of Mr. Onochie (my economics teacher in secondary school), a person who’d succeed in Lagos would be chased out of Ibadan by his misfortunes. Could misfortune truly be the reason for migration? Japa is on the lips of nearly every forward-thinking young Nigerian. Frankly, the reasoning behind it stems from the willingness to explore for success.

What is failure?

The Inability to accomplish a task momentarily or the final verdict on efforts deemed not to measure up to standards? Does an end put to attempts preclude reaching the finishing line? What defines failure? Yet life is replete with situations and stories which give credence to the power that failure lends to willpower. If failure leads to success, it is then safe to say we explore failure… Failing brings to the fore the inadequacies of a system, the shortcomings of a plan, the shortfalls of an effort, and the weaknesses of a thought process. In the final analysis, failure only shows ways that did not work! So, to fail would be to fortify processes, amend efforts, recalibrate plans, reconsider, and then take another shot. How then do we justify the negativities we mete out to ourselves and others (particularly children) undergoing the failures that bear their would-be success?

Behind every success, there have been successive strings of failure. Holding the child up to the achievements or potentials of another child breeds competition, loss of originality, self-doubt, and mediocrity. What we all need to understand is that, when we drive the child to find succour in places and people we may not necessarily approve of, then we are on the verge of losing them. Communicating aright is still foreign to many of us. With our words, we bring people down, drain the last push that remains, and then go ahead to blame them for not trying enough. The various elements of verbal communication like the tone of voice, choice of words, comeliness, and conversation seem minimal if not completely lost. Our expression of disappointment when there’s been a faltering of some sort, a set target is not met or when standards are not achieved is really the cause of failure. “Does the person who came first have two heads?” “With all the money spent on you, you still failed!” …. And so the child grows with the mindset that everything done for him is a debt he owes his parents, never fit to receive whatever his parents offer him. Defiance becomes the way out. How many times have you heard superstars say that their parents do not approve of some habit of theirs but because they now make their own money, parents have no choice but to live with it?

The glass seal fails to hold when middle age begins to catch up, just so long before life begins to humble the high and mighty. The loss of a means of livelihood, a contest, or any other form of failure comes knocking and there’s no answer for it because grit, and resilience was never a virtue! The image that had long been projected to the children begins to cave in and alas, daddy has the same problem junior has always had.

Comes with the Package

Setbacks are included in the package called life. Learning through them only increases the chances of navigating through the next hurdle smarter, faster, and more decisively. Modeling the right attitude for handling failure starts with being unashamed of your own mistakes, and understanding that encouragement and abuses (in the name of reversed psychology) are not the same things. Children can see and learn from how adults around them navigate through life’s challenges. Failure does not last if treated appropriately. If the lessons inherent are swiftly learned and the behavioral adjustments are aptly made if the tact needed be adequately called to use. If the slice of humble pie, is quietly eaten and washed down with a drink from the fount of wisdom, only then can it be said that experience has dealt its course. Failure is a mirage, never the real deal. Many breakthroughs have been achieved through the corridors of failure.

To Japa or not is a test of individual treatment of failure in our collective history, together we are choosing to explore systemic failure in different ways and maybe in different climes. We are driven to embrace success through the failure we explore. The corridors of dissatisfaction will someday lead to the banquet hall of bounty.

Dare to “explore failure”.