There are four distinct realms for child development, these are, Physical (strength of body, limbs, and general health), Emotional (expression of emotions), Social (interaction between the child and other humans within the environment), and Intellectual (correlation between brain and mind) realms. The influence of proper parenting on these developmental realms cannot be over-emphasized as parents set the tone for the path of a child’s trajectory. Parental care is beyond the mere provision of what money can buy; interpersonal interaction between the child and his parent remains one of the strongest bonds and influences to ever exist. This influence is currently being eroded by the spate of modernization of human institutions. These modernizations have so much depleted the concept of parenting so much so it is threadbare. The thing about parenting is that irrespective of how you prepare, you are only a parent when you become one! Deliberate, delicate, and intentional are a few of the key characteristics of purposeful parenting.

Arguing for demand on time for economic buoyancy and the pursuit of livelihood, career requirement, fulfillment of self-interests, and the societal factors which constrain us to outsource responsibilities, it appears that what is rampant in today’s world is pseudo parenting! We are at the point where we can boldly measure parental involvement by the provisions we make rather than direct involvement in the lives of the children. Many a child seeks guidance from agents to which parenting has been outsourced. Some of these agents are even inanimate. Below is a look into some pseudo-parents:

Television

How many times do you yell ‘Go and watch cartoon’ to your child? What is the first gadget that gets turned on in your home? Some have argued that there are educational programs that teach the children so much, can we at least consider what the children miss out on while being glued to the TV.

1. Physical exercise - It is easy to raise a couch potato. Play is the work of children; they learn and develop more by being involved in physical movement. If the world has realized how important it is to stay active, one can only imagine how beneficial children's movement can be. Keeping children glued to television sets reduces physical exercise for them.
    
2. Guarded exposure to age-appropriate content - the remote control is one singular innovation that has both inhibited mankind from taking simple active steps within the home and ignited (and satisfied) curiosity among children. It is easy to manipulate.
    
3. Emotional and social intelligence skills - there are a lot of personalities within the home and being aloof or immersed in television programs isn’t the best way to deal with them. The true emotional makeup of children needs to shine through situations and circumstances so that they can be directed right. Outbursts of anger, tantrums, and resistance are all energies indicating one strong positive trait or another. Now, if you only get these reactions when the children are asked to leave the television, you are surely missing out on other aspects of their lives. Being non-maleficent is very important and needs continuous re-enforcement through different situations and scenarios to achieve. These practices go beyond mere watching a TV program. Family ties are built by interacting physically as humans! You develop knowledge, affinity, and relationship by having human-to-human contact. When this interaction is mechanic or need-oriented, then it is not different from the relationship between a human and an ATM.
    
4. Discipline/time management - if the children’s lives revolve around academic work and TV then the learning curve is not being followed. Balance is learned by tackling household chores and academic work concurrently with a splash of time management in between. Children need to be groomed to be in control of time. This helps to foster discipline and responsibility.

House maids

Remember this once-upon-a-time common comment – "my money will buy me what I cannot do"? Sadly, parenting by proxy is one of those things that money has bought and continues buying. While in some cases this may not have been the intention ab initio, it sure has become the situation.

How the job description of this category of home staff changes over the course of a short time is alarming plus it comes with varying degrees of effects. Every household is built on different values, it takes more than mere instructions for domestic staff to imbibe and exude your family’s values. The many vices that find their way into your home, the culture infiltration (and fusion), and the difference in outlook all lurk around the home. Children are the most susceptible because of the amount of time they spend with these domestic staff. There’ve situations when the child cries in solidarity for how the staff is being treated or when relieved of their jobs. We have even termed the hiring of this category of domestic staff a ‘necessary evil’.

Call it delegation of duties. Memories are a fundamental part of human relationships. The everyday interactions build up memories. Every time you refer the child to the maid might just be another loss of valuable time to create sweet memories.
The fast-paced life we lead leaves us very little time for family life. Constantly fighting to provide for the family has left parents with the only alternative television - and the most affordable supervisors- the domestic staff. Think how much of the desired character can the pseudo parents instill in your child.

Relatives/ family friends

"It takes a community to raise a child" Granted! Can you vouch for the conduct and character of the relative? When was the last time you had interactions with them? Did you know that even though you are related to someone, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies could mean differences in life’s views and purpose? Soon you find children act like strangers around their parents because they are left to hang around relatives with divergent views from their parents. On top of that, parents stifle efforts made by their children to have a conversation with them.

Statistics abound of many cases of children who have been molested sexually, and introduced to lifestyles and habits that are inappropriate for their age, culture, and family beliefs. A person who smiles at you, supports your line of thought, or is seen within your circle does not make them worthy of your child’s custody for any given length of time. Isn’t it interesting to note that most ‘opening of eye’ happened outside of the home? When the children could have been better guided, mentored or even introduced properly with the pros & cons.

I understand the place of trust, and the need to broaden the social space of your children. It has been proven that children who interact more with humans become intelligent and develop an uncanny ability to manage people better, be mindful of the changes that may have occurred in the lives of the relatives who have long been out of your life. Beware of the individuals christened “aunties and uncles” who are not related by blood but have been bestowed family status. The many big Mummies, big Daddies etc. and the authority they exert on your children.

"Omuru nwa zuo nwa ya" is igbo for you birth a child, train your child.